Have you ever flipped through the TV channels or walked down the aisles of a video store and wondered, “I never knew they made a sequel to that.” Or the more often, “Why did they make a sequel to that?” I know I have. And while there are plenty of sequels out there that just plain sucked *cough* Transformers 2 *cough*, there are also plenty of sequels out there that are great (Back to the Future Part 2, Toy Story 2 and 3, and the Harry Potter films).
This list can be called many things: “Sequels You’ve Never Heard Of”, “Sequels You’ve Never Seen”, “Direct to DVD Sequels”, “Sequels Hollywood Wants You to Forget.” No matter what you call it, one thing is for certain — you haven’t missed anything by not seeing them.
10. S. Darko (2009)
When I first heard about this film, I was a little confused as to why it needed to be made. To me, Donnie Darko was a great movie with plenty of closure and no need for a sequel. Especially one about Donnie’s sister, who’s only real contribution to the first film was dancing and asking “What’s a fuckass?” In the sequel, original Samantha Darko, Daveigh Chase, reprises her role from the 2001 film. It takes place seven years after the tragic death of Donnie, and Sam becomes haunted by weird and prophetic dreams after an impulsive road trip takes a wrong turn. Maybe it’s in her blood, or maybe it was the meteorite that destroyed the local farmer’s windmill. Who knows for sure?
9. Mean Girls 2 (2011)
I‘ll admit it. I have seen Mean Girls. But that one was enough to last me forever. So when I came across Mean Girls 2 in a $5 movie bin, I had to pause and ask myself “Why?” Why does Paramount feel the need to bring back the Plastics? (Don’t judge me. I read it on the poster.) Basically, the plot in a nutshell is the tomboy and the preppy snob become rivals (what else is new). At the end there’s a football game with the anti-Plastics playing against the Plastics to see who the better group of girls are. It might be an entertaining movie for a tween, but I’ll pass.
8. Mannequin Two: On The Move (1991)
In the 1987 movie, Mannequin, the mannequin is brought to life by love, and a possessed ancient Egyptian girl. In Mannequin 2, the mannequin is really a peasant girl fallen under a thousand year spell. She comes to life whenever the cursed necklace she wears is removed. Which begs the question, “Why doesn’t she just leave the necklace off?
7. The Birds II: Land’s End (1994)
Remember the Alfred Hitchcock 1963 thriller The Birds? Let me introduce you to its made for TV little brother. The plot is pretty much the same; birds attack the crap out of people for no apparent reason and people have to find a way to stop them. Will it work? I’ll let you watch the movie and decide for yourself. Much to no one’s surprise, Birds II came no where close to comparing with the original. It’s the kind of movie that Mystery Science Theater 3,000 wouldn’t even touch.
6. Ace Ventura: Pet Detective Jr. (2009)
I‘m not usually one to judge a book (or movie) by its cover, but this one has “Straight to DVD” written all over it. Don’t get me wrong, I love Jim Carrey and his movies, and the original Ace Ventura is on my list of favorites. But a pint-sized Jim Carrey wanna-be with five pounds of gel in his hair, running around yelling “Guano!” is not my idea of a movie that was necessary to make. When Ace Jr.’s mother is accused of stealing a baby panda, he has to step into his father’s shoes to help clear her name. Allllriiiighty then.
5. Texas Chainsaw Massacre The Next Generation (1994)
I‘m familiar with The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, the less popular Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 and 3, even the horrible 2003 remake. But I have never heard of Texas Chainsaw Massacre The Next Generation, and by the looks of it, I’m not missing anything. Starring a teenage Renee Zellweger and Matthew McConaughey (seriously?), the plot follows every other horror movie out there. Car crash, old farmhouse, Leatherface. How many times does it take before you learn your lesson.
4. The Sandlot 3 (2003)
I know I’m skipping over The Sandlot 2, but most people have heard about it. And even if you have heard about The Sandlot 3, I bet you didn’t know it was about time travel. Yup, you read that right. The successful and arrogant baseball star Tommy Santorelli (Luke Perry) travels back in time to 1976 and relives his boyhood days on the sandlot baseball team, and has the chance to this time choose friendship over glory.
3. Shock Treatment (1981)
Can you venture a guess at what movie Shock Treatment is a sequel to? I’ll save you the time. The cult classic Rocky Horror Picture Show is what this musical is based of. But this time instead of trying to escape from Tim Curry in drag, Brad and Janet (played by different actors, of course) are on a game show. Brad is a prisoner in the local mental hospital and Janet, infatuated by her rising stardom, is starting to forget about him. No wonder this movie was so popular.
2. Return to Oz (1985)
Dorothy has been back in Kansas for about six months, but she can’t stop thinking about Oz, and even believes that her friends have sent her a key to return. Aunt Em, worried for Dorothy’s health, takes her to a famous doctor who works with electro-shock therapy. When she escapes from the treatment, she and her pet chicken, Billina, find themselves in Oz, where Billina can now talk. But when she tries to find her old friends in the Emerald City, she learns that they’ve all been transformed to stone by the Nome King. And the evil witch Mombie wants her head. It’s up to her, Billina, and their new friends, the royal army of Oz, Jack Pumpkinhead, and Gump to defeat Mombie and the Nome King and restore the rightful ruler of Oz to her throne. Is it just me, or does this sound like something Tim Burton dreams about at night?
1. My Summer Story (1994)
How could you not love 1983′s classic A Christmas Story? It has everything a holiday movie needs. Tongues sticking to frozen poles, leg lamps, Santa kicking children in the face, and good old fashioned racism. And who could forget young Ralphie’s need for an official Red Ryder, carbine action, two-hundred shot range model air rifle. Ahhh, holiday perfection. Who would have thought it needed a sequel, much less one set in the summer. That’s right. It is now summer in the Parker family; Ralphie (this time played by Kieran Culkin) is searching for the perfect top to use to beat the school bully with, the Old Man is in battle with their hillbilly neighbors, the Bumpus, while eagerly awaiting the discovery of the perfect fishing spot, and the Mother is attempting to collect all of the pieces of a glass china set at a local movie theater. Somehow without the film being set at Christmas time, it just doesn’t have the same appeal as A Christmas Story.
Surprisingly, or maybe not, there are a lot of well known, popular movies that have sequels that just didn’t make it up to par. If there are any movies out there that you have never heard of (it’s an oxymoron, I know) that didn’t make it on this list, let me know in the comments below. I would love to hear what you come up with.
