Another awards show, another pissed off fan. This year’s MTV Movie Awards marked the last time that a Harry Potter movie would be up for an award. Or at least, any award that I cared about. I’ve been a huge fan of the books since I was 11 years old, so this movie franchise was incredibly important to me. I’ve been to nearly every midnight showing, even dressing up as a Hogwarts student. The last movie adaptation, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2, premiered July 15th. And boy did I enjoy it in my special 3D Harry Potter glasses. I laughed, I cried, and I left feeling like part of my childhood was over. Unfortunately for Harry Potter fans everywhere, Stephanie Meyers had to write a crazy popular book and have it adapted into a movie around the same time. You may have read some of my feelings about Twilight before but let me make it perfectly clear: I HATE ALL THINGS TWILIGHT WITH A FIERY PASSION.
So, as you can imagine, when the Best Movie of the Year award rolled around, I had my fingers crossed that The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 1 would finally lose it. I’d been voting all week for Harry Potter, so that must mean that they will win right? Wrong. Once again, the most disgusting excuse for cinema won out over actually good movies. In my curse word laden tirade against those sparkly pansy vampires one thing took over my thoughts: those Twilight assholes do not deserve to win “Best” of anything! Why can’t anyone see that? Well, this list is my attempt to create a rational argument as to why Twilight sucks and Harry Potter rules.
10. The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2 Premieres Next Year
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 is the last in the franchise. You twi-hards have a whole other movie coming out next year that you can go bananas over. More than likely Breaking Dawn – Part 2 will not only be the last movie of the series, but the best of all of them. Even I have to admit that they have been improving. Of course when you’re the best piece in a load of crap you are still crap. Considering that I’m not a fan of the franchise, I may only be enjoying them more just because I watch them to laugh in disbelief at how stupid it all is. But I’ve read reviews from fans that say they enjoyed Breaking Dawn – Part 1 more than the rest. So, way to get greedy Twilight people. You couldn’t have given us this one?
9. Twilight Wins EVERYTHING Each Year
Within the same vein, it has been incredibly annoying watching the Movie Awards when Twilight is nominated. They just keep winning, and it gets really old. What’s the point of me voting if it doesn’t make any difference? While this marked the first year that Twilight didn’t get a golden popcorn for all the good categories (like Best Cast and Best Performance), they still got the big award at the end. I think the one that most annoyed me this year was their win for Best Kiss. As any fan of Harry Potter will know, the kiss between Ron and Hermione was incredibly important to the book and the movie. For it to be beaten out by that crappy wedding kiss of Edward and Bella’s, that one hurt. Was anyone in danger at that point? Nope. Had fans been waiting seven movies for it? Not even close, K. Stew and R. Patz have been going at it since the first movie. How annoying is it that a better kiss loses out just because Twilight has fans that don’t know a good thing when they see one?
8. Harry Potter Actors Have Grown Up With Us
One of the things that I love most about the books is that I began reading them when I was eleven, the same age as Harry Potter himself in the first book. I grew up with the series and the characters aged right along with me. The same holds true for the movies. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone opened in theaters in 2001, which means that we first saw Daniel Radcliffe as Harry when he was twelve years old. Rupert Grint (Ron) was thirteen and Emma Watson (Hermione) was eleven. We have literally watched these actors grow up with us, and they hold a special place in our hearts. The Twilight people haven’t grown into anything except bigger pains in our asses. We should have honored the people that actually matter in our lives, those who we’ve seen since they were just kids.
7. Kristen Stewart Can’t Act Her Way Out of a Bag in the Twilight movies
Ralph Fiennes, Michael Gambon, Alan Rickman, Warwick Davis, John Hurt, Helena Bonham Carter, Jason Issacs, Jim Broadbent, Maggie Smith, Emma Thompson, Gary Oldman, Miranda Richardson, and Richard Harris. Are we seeing a pattern here? Those are all amazing actors with careers in some incredible movies. All of them are in Harry Potter. That’s not even mentioning the younger actors in the films, who ended up doing an amazing job. But for some strange reason, all of those names lost out to the ridiculous acting in all of the Twilight movies. Every single one of them just pushes it a little too far and heads straight into cheesy awkwardness. It’s not even just Kristen Stewart, it’s everybody. I cringe when I watch any scene with dialogue. Not even the bigger names in Twilight (like Michael Sheen and Dakota Fanning) can save the rest of the cast from their own unrealistic approach to human interaction.
6. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 is AWESOME
I may have mentioned that I loved the movie. As a big fan of the books, I’ve been mildly disappointed with little things in the films since the very first frame. But Deathly Hallows: Part 2 managed to make me forget about all of my nit picky little reasons to be disappointed and simply enjoy the experience. But there was one scene that absolutely sealed the deal for how amazing this movie is. And it is the last memories of Severus Snape. Don’t watch the clip if you haven’t seen the movie, because I wouldn’t want to ruin something so great.
5. Twilight People Suck at Accepting Awards
Here is the reason why I pick on Kristen Stewart more than Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner (though all three of them suck). It’s because she sucks at accepting awards. And doing interviews. Also she’s not that great at presenting awards either. Something about her demeanor just constantly has me shaking me head. Maybe it’s the way she is constantly fidgeting. Maybe it’s the way she talks, always pausing and looking down at her feet. Maybe it is her refusal to kiss Robert Pattinson in public, instead making him kiss Taylor Lautner (like at the 2011 MTV Movie Awards). Which is why it’s even more annoying that Twilight wins all the time, because then we are treated with three to five minutes of watching her stuttering and umm-ing her way to another awkward clip. Someone needs to let her know that she’s a celebrity, so she should work on the whole public speaking thing so that people don’t want to slap her every time she opens her mouth.
4. Harry Potter has Hot British Accents
When you say anything in a British accent it instantly becomes at least 5 degrees cooler. Which means that even if you happen to be a fan of the Twilight Saga, you still have to admit that the Brits at Hogwarts sound hotter than the people in Forks. I suppose you can make the argument that Robert Pattinson is actually British and has a his own cute accent. But one man alone cannot stand up to the epic hotness that is the cast of Harry Potter.
3. J.K. Rowling’s Series is BETTER
I could probably write an entire essay on how much better the Harry Potter books are than Twilight. But I’ll try to keep it to just two reasons. The first is that it’s better written. Stephanie Meyers needs to take a few classes on grammar and plot development. She could probably take those lessons from J.K. Rowling, who’s books fit perfectly together and manage to use some big girl words. Before you start making accusations, I did in fact read the Twilight books. I succumbed to the hype, but that doesn’t mean that I didn’t want to run through them with a red pen -editing every page. I’m not the only one who noticed it either. The second reason is that Harry Potter is a better role model than Bella Swann. Harry fights for the good of man-kind, battling the evil Lord Voldemort and risking his life to save others. Bella has to decide between two different guys and is constantly the damsel in distress. Without a man, Ms. Swann is nothing. That’s not the kind of thing I want my children to learn. Which is why I won’t be reading them Twilight when they go to bed at night.
2. The Oscar Snub
Right before the Academy Awards nominations were announced, many critics and fans were talking about how Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 had a real shot at being included in important categories, such as Best Picture. There were ads circulating that highlighted the amazing performances (see Alan Rickman in the clip above), and most were hopeful that the Academy had to honor the extreme box office success of the franchise. Even though the series was still regarded as “young adult” and the Oscar’s have often over-looked other popular movies due to fantasy content, you can’t deny the fact that Harry Potter has made over 7 billion worldwide right? Wrong. Once again the Academy proved that they are filled with a bunch of narrow-minded idiots who prefer to watch broadcast numbers decline instead of giving a shot to a movie that audiences love and actually want to watch. As you can probably tell, I’m still bitter about it. The point I’m trying to make here though, is that Twilight will never have any Oscar buzz surrounding it. No matter how much money it makes and how popular it is, the Twilight Saga will never reach the level where the Academy will recognize it. Because even the last chapter of the series contains nothing that you could even remotely consider as “art”. Sorry Twilight fans, but it’s true. If the Harry Potter series wasn’t enough to grab a golden statue, the only way you’re going to be mentioned at the Oscar’s is when a host makes a joke about you in the opening monologue.
1. The Money and the Records
Here is the ultimate proof that we’re better than you – the numbers. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 is ranked fourth in the list of highest grossing box office of all time behind Avatar, Titanic, and The Avengers. You have to go all the way down the list to number 47 in order to find the first Twilight movie. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 alone made 1.38 billion dollars, while The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1 only made 705 million, and that’s the franchise’s highest earner. Harry Potter is also the highest grossing film franchise of all time, beating out all 22 of the James Bond films and Star Wars. Just in midnight showings alone, Deathly Hallows made 43.5 million while Breaking Dawn only made 30.3 million. I suppose you could make the argument that there is still one more Twilight film to be released, and that could change the game. But I highly doubt that even if The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 2 makes a ton of money, it still won’t be able to touch the dollars that Harry Potter has down in the record books. The numbers don’t lie, and they are obviously screaming that Harry Potter is the better franchise. (All the box office figures were obtained from the Wikipedia)
Accept it now Twilight fans, Harry Potter is just better than you. You may get all the awards from your annoying screaming fans, but we Harry Potter fans have something better. The knowledge that we are more awesome than a bunch of lame vampires, werewolves, and vampire/human spawn (can anyone actually explain why that was a good idea? Imprinting? Renesmee? Stupid). Avada Kedavra Twilight bitches.
What do you guys think? Any fans of Twilight want to argue with me? Any fans of Harry Potter want to offer their support?