Top Ten Reasons People Hate Twilight:
Twilight fans want to know the answer to a very simple question: Why do people hate Twilight? Well, for the past 3 years the entire world has been forced to watch vampires turn into diamond-crusted, sparkling, pretty boys. Thanks to Summit Entertainment, Stephanie Meyer’s flat characters have been transformed from the pages of the novel to the big screen. Now we get to see even more coverage of these outlandish characters… front cover of magazines, cereal boxes, hair products, Skittle bags, Coke boxes,
condom boxes Oops that one hasn’t happened yet due to the fact that virginity is held at a very high standard in the Twilight Saga. So here we go… 10 Reasons People Hate Twilight:
Reason #10: Harry Potter Fans Feel Threatened
Before Twilight first hit theaters, there was a lot of talk that the vampire franchise could outperform our beloved boy wizard at the box office. And even though the Harry Potter franchise has come to a bitter sweet ending, the fans still feel the need to stomp all over the poor Twilight fans. Can’t we just all be friends? Lets look at the past box office earnings shall we?
Domestic Box Office Totals: Twilight VS Harry Potter
- Twilight: $192,769,854………………………………….HP Sorcerer’s Stone: $317,575,550
- New Moon: $296,623,634…………………………….HP Chamber of Secrets: $261,988,482
- Eclipse: $300,531,751………………………………….HP Prisoner of Azkaban: $249,541,069
- Breaking Dawn-Part 1: $179,278,000 (and rising).HP Deathly Hallows: Part 1 $290,013,036
- Breaking Dawn- Part 2: ?………………………………HP Deathly Hallows: Part 2 $381,008,000
Looking at the domestic totals of both franchises, Eclipse alone ($300,531,751) tops all Harry Potter films except for Sorcerer’s Stone ($317,575,550), Half-Blood Prince ($301,959,197), and Deathly Hallows-Part 2 ($381,008,000). So that just means that America is full of Twilight lovers. Stay calm Harry Potter fans, your boy wizard holds the crown in world wide box office totals.
Reason #9: “Imprinting”
Does that word not bother anyone else? Say it real slow… Iiimmpprinnntttiiiiinngg. I get the terminology and what it means in the world of Twilight, but anytime I hear the word, naughty images invade my mind. I know it’s when a werewolf has an intense emotional love connection to another person blah blah blah, but couldn’t Stephanie Meyer have chosen another word?
All I could hear was laughter in the theaters during Breaking Dawn – Part 1 when Edward announced the news that Jacob did you know what to you know who (didn’t want spoil it for anyone) .
Random Guy: Can I imprint on you?
Random Girl: No!? Get away from me you freak! (Kick to the balls)
Reason #8: The Lack of Shirts
This can be a plus for a lot of people. Who wouldn’t like to see Edward’s pale body or Jacob’s rippling 6-pack? But after the 150th time it gets pretty annoying. We get the point. Could you imagine my disgust when Breaking Dawn Part 1 actually started with Jacob running out (in the rain mind you) with his shirt off? Here we go again.
And you can’t say “But Jacob needs to take off his shirt or else he’ll rip it when he transforms…” Hello? Bruce Banner anyone? Last time I checked, I never saw Banner ripping off his shirt to transform into the Hulk. In Breaking Dawn Part 1, I think Edward had Jacob beat in the number of shirtless scenes. Tally for Team Edward!
Reason #7: Everyone Looks Like They’re Holding in Farts
The facial expressions on these characters’ faces… They ALL look like they’re about to fart. Robert Pattinson’s gotten a lot better with the facial expressions since Twilight. Plus he’s shown that he’s able of breaking away from Edward with Water for Elephants and Remember Me… but Kristen Stewart… the girl looks like she’s holding in farts all the time: during interviews, during acceptance speeches, when Bella wants a kiss from Edward. Here’s a little clip I found on Youtube enjoy.
Reason #6: The Die-Hard Fans aka Twi-hards
To be fair, die-hard fans of anything can be pretty annoying. Especially to those around you, who could care less about the topic at hand. Die-hard Harry Potter fans… annoying. Twilight fans… annoying. Little Monsters (aka die hard Lady Gaga fans) really annoying. And I’m not referring to those who just enjoy Twilight, I’m talking about those who live, eat and breath Twilight.
By the way, I’m a “Little Monster” so I know how it is. You own every deluxe Target edition of anything there is. You’re front row and center for every signing event. You have at least 2 posters hanging up in your room. It’s difficult being dedicated, but that doesn’t mean you don’t annoy the shit out off a lot of people: your mother, when you ask her to buy you the same DVD she bought you last month except the new edition comes with the bonus features, your friends when you talk about Twilight every waking moment, your cat when everything he walks into is Twilight related. I’m just being honest .
Reason #5: Team Edward VS Team Jacob
This reason alone is enough to hate Twilight. Really, it’s absolutely stupid. It’s not really the question of: Who’s better for Bella? It’s the question of: Who looks better with their shirt off? The Team Edward VS Team Jacob debate really took off in during New Moon’s premier; a smart move by the promotion team. People everywhere took sides: Are you an Edward fan or a Jacob fan? Would you rather be bitten or imprinted on? Hmm? Tough decision. Clip below from SNL:
Reason#4: The Massacre of the Traditional Vampire
What happened to our traditional vampires from France? What happened to the vampires that looked like actual monsters? Dracula, Lestat and Louie, Count von Count, Blade and Count Chocula? Those are the vampires we all want to see.
The Cullen family should all be traditional blood sucking vampires, with widow peaks and big bushy eyebrows. But instead Stephenie Meyer has contaminated the Vampire gene pool with sparkles, unbelievable super powers and perfect hair. Great. For anyone born after 2000, the Cullen family, will be their definition of vampire. Here’s what novelist Anne Rice had to say about the matter (from her fan page):
Lestat and Louie feel sorry for vampires that sparkle in the sun. They would never hurt immortals who choose to spend eternity going to high school over and over again in a small town —- anymore than they would hurt the physically disabled or the mentally challenged. My vampires possess gravitas. They can afford to be merciful.
Calm down, Twi-hards. Due to the absolute carnage occurring on her Facebook page, Rice has long since responded in her defense. She says that there’s room for all sorts of vampires:
“There’s plenty of room for a little humour in talking about the various interpretations. I think this is a new golden age for lovers of fantasy fiction; so many new and talented writers offering their vampires, werewolves and other supernatural heroes. It’s all there for our enjoyment, and it always has been. I like the new authors, as well as the old.”
Reason #3: The Love Triangle
The peak of the love triangle occurred in Eclipse. Sure there were hints of it popping in and out in Breaking Dawn Part 1, but it has seemed to simmer down a bit. Every time the situation between Edward and Jacob rears its little head I want to stand up and scream, “Bella, have some balls! Tell Jacob to F*** off!” But one must think twice before saying such a thing in a theater full of Twi-hards. You may get all sorts of trinkets hurdled your way.
Reason #2: The Terrible Writing
Not that Stephen King has the final say as to who’s a great writer and who’s not, but I do believe he sums it all up with these two quotes:
Stephen King on Twilight:
“Both Rowling and Meyer, they’re speaking directly to young people. … The real difference is that [Harry Potter author] Jo Rowling is a terrific writer and [Twilight author] Stephenie Meyer can’t write worth a darn. She’s not very good.”
“Harry Potter is about confronting fears, finding inner strength and doing what is right in the face of adversity. Twilight is about how important it is to have a boyfriend.”
Need I say anything else on this topic?
Reason #1: Bella Swan
And no, I’m not talking about Kristen Stewart, for whom I feel sorry for. Unfortunately, she will always be seen as Bella Swan. You know, quite honestly, I don’t think Kristen Stewart is a horrible actress. She’s playing the character of Bella Swan exactly how she’s written in the novels: weak, passive, indecisive, whiney and flat. Physical characterizations to complement those attributes?: bitting of the lip every now and then, tripping, a sudden gasp for no reason, looking everywhere else except for the person you’re talking to… Yep Kristen’s got all those down.
We want to know your opinion. Was there something we left out of Top 10 Reasons People Hate Twilight? Be sure to leave your comment in the box below. Twi-hards don’t fret, next week we’re releasing the Top 10 Reasons People Like Twilight.